5 books to support your grief process
In January 2021 a few hours after getting off a video chat with a friend, I received a text from her. “I need to talk to you,” the text said. I thought that was odd and replied “What’s up?” “I need to tell you something, and I think it’s better than we talk and not text.” A sense of icy unease gripped my stomach. Was she sick? Foreboding thoughts began gathering and circling like a Midwestern thunderstorm before a tornado forms.
When the phone rang, I got straight to business: “What’s going on?”
“Stephen died.”
The swirling storm clouds in my mind suddenly stopped, frozen. “What?” Nothing registered in my brain.
“Stephen died today.”
“What? He what? Oh no. That can’t be right.”
“Stephen drowned in a pool.”
Again, the frozen storm clouds stopped moving, suspended. My mind like those clouds, stopped working. The information processing centers of my brain could not comprehend the words I was hearing. I did not realize until later that I was experiencing shock and my mind was registering the information as false.
A few hours later an email arrived confirming that in fact Stephen (whose name has been changed to protect the privacy of his family) had drowned in a freak accident in a pool. It took me several weeks to process the initial shock and unexpected loss of Stephen, a mentor and teacher. It took me a full year to be able to fully process, honor, and let go of my frozen shock and grief over the loss of this mentor.
In the initial weeks after his death, I was hungry to read anything that could match my grief. Outside of talking to people who knew Stephen, I found reading to be a companion, especially those books whose author had directly experienced the loss of a loved one. I needed to know that I was not alone in my grief and loss.
Books to support soul transition
I orient towards a spiritual nature that our souls transition out of the physical plane and during that time of transition prayers can support the one who died. Here are two books if you want to support the soul’s immediate transition upon death:
Tibetan Book of the Dead
A classic wisdom book from Buddhism, this book provides specific day-by-day readings as the soul transitions from the physical realm. Although not all of the content made sense to me as I was raised Catholic, I found a sense of ease in knowing that the readings were similar to prayers and that the soul of my mentor could feel the intention of my efforts to support his soul transition. I read Robert Thurman’s translation of this book, but you can get other translations. Go with what feels right for you.
American Book of the Dead, E.J. Gold
This book is more accessible than the Tibetan Book of the Dead and also includes instructions of how to use the readings. I found this book later in my journey and did not use it to directly support the soul transition of my mentor, but I would use it in the future to support a loved one’s soul transition.
Books by people who have experienced deep, personal loss
In the initial weeks after my mentor’s death, I was hungry to read anything that could match my grief. Outside of talking to people who knew Stephen, I found reading to be a companion, a way to make sense of what had happened. I also needed to know that others had felt the sudden, unexpected loss and shock from the death of a loved one. Here are two books that do just that:
The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion
Love her or not, Joan is a masterful writer: drawing you in with her explicit descriptions of the hospital, her closet, her husband’s shoes, and yet she provides a deep analysis of her grief and her loss. The book was helpful because Joan lost her husband unexpectedly and used writing to help her process the loss.
A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis
Many do not know that C.S. Lewis lost his wife to cancer, let alone that he married her knowing she had cancer. Unlike Joan Didion, whose husband died unexpectedly, his exploration of death takes a more existential stance questioning God, questioning how life goes on after such loss, and even a deeper probe into his own grief and his definition of it. I appreciate this book because it provided another perspective of someone who felt a profound loss and was inquiring into all the pieces of loss and grief.
Books about the connection between life and death
I orient towards a spiritual nature that our souls transition out of the physical plane and into another realm. If you’re not quite there yet, but are curious here are two books that will open your mind to “What if?”
The Light Between Us, Laura Lynne Jackson
I first learned about Laura Lynne Jackson through the Netflix Series: Surviving Death. She was sweet, almost angelic and seemed absolutely truthful and real in how she communicated messages from people who had died to their living family members. Laura works a lot with parents who have lost children through the Forever Family Foundation and shares some of the stories in the book “The Light Between Us.” The book is focused on how Laura discovered her psychic abilities but also it provides amazing stories of people receiving signs from loved ones who have transitioned or crossed over. This is a beautiful book and highly recommend for those who are wondering “Is it possible to receive messages from someone who has died?” The answer is yes, absolutely yes.
The World Beyond, Ruth Montgomery
I found this book through reading Jim Henson: A Biography - a very unlikely connection! After the Muppets became very successful, Jim began to explore and read and wonder about what happens after death. (Also if you don’t know how Jim Henson died, it’s worth looking it up). Jim came upon the book “The World Beyond” and found solace in the information Ruth Montgomery shared about what happens when we die. If you’re wondering about the credibility of Ruth Montgomery, had a long and distinguished career working as journalist in Washington, DC. In her book, “The World Beyond” Ruth channels the soul of Edgar Cayce to write the book and provide information about what happens when souls leave the physical realm.
Deeper dive: A book for one-year of support
365 Days of Grief Comfort, Cortez Ranieri
This small book provides a guide to examine grief and loss for one year. The first chapters provide insight about grief and encourages the reader to experience the grief and not sidestep it. Each chapter provides insights about guilt, self-care, preserving memories, sharing your loss without shame, and addresses myths about grieving. I found this book much later in my grief journey, so I did not use it as a workbook; however, I think it can be a good companion for someone who is willing to look and process grief in a full and honest way. If you try it out, let me know what you think about it.